


A Christmas to Heal

by Raelae



Series: Tales From The Apocalypse [1]
Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Family, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-09 23:28:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8917324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raelae/pseuds/Raelae
Summary: It's the first winter since their travels had ended, and Ellie is starting to be haunted by the events of the winter prior. Joel, unable to see her in that state anymore, decides it's time to try to do something that may help her face the winters to come in a brighter light.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So, I don't do many Christmas stories, mostly because the different things I write stories for just...well it doesn't fit well with them. I felt it did here though. It's a rough time, to be in a post pandemic world, I'm sure. And I know most things would be tossed to the side in lieu of survival but, some things should be kept, for humanities sake, and to keep ones sanity. To try to find one calm moment in all the chaos. And it doesn't have to be Christmas, it can be anything you really want to celebrate. I think when the world is falling apart, some things are just needed, even if it looks like the world doesn't have room for it.

Joel couldn't say he got used to Ellie's tendencies over the past months, since they returned to Tommy's settlement.

She'd have her usual little spurts of excitement, moments where she'd ramble on and on about one thing or another, and whether he found it interesting or not didn't matter. As long as she was happy he was happy.

But then she'd slowly regress back into her quite reflective self, mind no doubt turning back to all the dark moments they had spent on the road. And now, as winter once more took a tight grip on the world, she fully fell into this dark place. And it didn't take much to know where exactly her mind was this time.

Winter the year before had been a hellish time for the both of them. He had been down for the count, hovering on the fine line between life and death, with Ellie being the only one that could keep him from the darkness that tried to take him.

He hadn't been there for her when she needed him most, and she had been forced to face what was perhaps the most harrowing part of their journey...alone. She had done everything possible to keep him alive. 

Shortly after they had returned to Tommy's, she finally told him everything that had happened while he was out. Before she had only given bits and pieces, still so scarred by what happened that the mere mention of it brought her to tears. But at last she broke down, talked of leading them away from him, losing Callus, killing her way back to him. Getting caught, the cannibals, David...she had gone on and on, words coming out in a rush as she both tried to get through it quickly, and to be sure she got it all in before she might decide against the act of telling him. 

The weeks following that had been rough, each night filled with nightmares and screams. More than once she had ended up curled up in his bed, unable to finish the night alone, for fear of the nightmares taking her again.

With time though, the nightmares faded, and soon she was able to continue with life like nothing had happened. Or at least pretending nothing had. Ellie had become the master of the 'I'm alright'' attitude, hiding her emotions behind a fake smile.

But Joel knew the action well, he spent decades using the very same. Now, they were both keeping secrets.

He peeked out of the kitchen doorway now, looking around the corner to where she lay on the couch, curled up under a blanket and reading one of her comics. It looked more like she was just staring at the page though, her mind obviously in that dark place again.

“...Ellie?” He called out.

She didn't look up, just continued staring at the page.

“...baby girl?”

Finally she looked up, giving her head a slight shake as she snapped out of her revere.

“What? Sorry...was into my reading, didn't hear you.”

He gave her a disbelieving look but said nothing, instead stepping out with two steaming mugs in his hands and taking a seat next to her.

“Got some of that homemade apple cider of Maria's, figured you'd like some.”

“Sure, thanks.” She said as she set the comic down on the coffee table, sitting up to take the offered mug.

“...you uh...read those a lot. You must have them memorized by now.”

“Just because you memorize something doesn't mean it's not worth going through again. I mean...sometimes you notice things you didn't before, or maybe...understand the reason behind something you may have saw differently before...”

“...I reckon that's one way to look at it.”

“...if you could have become a musician...what would you have played?”

He blinked a few times, surprised by the question. It'd been quite some time since she'd asked anything about his personal life.

“Oh, I don't know. I'd play anything really, just depended on how I was feeling at the moment. But, I guess it probably woulda been country or somethin'. Blame it on being a Texan if you like, but it was more cause my grandpa played it a lot. The real old school stuff. He liked to sit on the porch on summer evenings and pick away at the strings, usually some old Hank Williams song...”

“...will you teach me some of those? When I get better at playing?”

“Sure. If you want kiddo. They're quite a different kind of tune though.”

“I think music's one of the greatest things ever created, I could care less what I play. Just want it to be music...and sound like music.” She said as she diverted her gaze a bit.

Joel chuckled, taking a sip of his cider.

“You'll get it with time kiddo. Doesn't happen over night.”

“It's been months though.”

“Doesn't matter. You want to learn to play fast or play well? It's okay to take a while to learn something.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” She took a sip from her own mug, growing distant again.

“...are you sure you're alright kiddo?”

“Yeah, just a little tired. I was helping around the town all day.”

“You know you don't have to do so much right? You are still just a kid.”

“...I haven't been a kid for a long time. Maybe I was never a kid...”

“...Ellie...”

“I'm gonna turn in. Thanks for the cider.”

She set the still half full mug on the table before heading for the stairs, pausing only for a moment.

“Night Joel.”

“...night baby girl.”

She smiled ever so slightly at that before heading up the stairs, leaving Joel alone.

For a moment he sat quietly, staring into the mug and allowing the steam to warm his face as it curled and drifted upwards. 

He had to do something for her, something to help make this time of the year easier for her to handle.

A glimmer of light came to his eyes as he thought of something, something he hadn't done in so long. He wasn't sure if it would work but, he had to try something. So he made the decision to go see his brother in the morning and see if he'd help him with his plan.

 

It was early the following morning when Ellie awoke, the sun only now warming the world with it's rays. Well, trying to anyway. Winter out here was pretty cold and pretty brutal, something she had learned firsthand the winter before.

It made early mornings the worst part of the day, and she hated leaving the warmth of her thick comforter. But there was work to be done and she had gotten into the habit of getting up and out to work early.

Reluctantly, she pushed the comforter back, swinging her legs off the bed and settling them on the floor. Despite the thick socks she wore, and the wool clothing, the chill was still evident. The house hadn't originally had another source for warming, as it had been one of the houses built by Tommy and the others when they'd gotten here, to replace the ones that had collapsed. And since no one had yet lived in it before them, the heating element had yet to be installed. That had only been done recently by Joel and Tommy, and that consisted of wood stoves in the most used areas, that being the living room and the bedrooms.

But man did the chill creep back in when the fire went out.

Grabbing a flannel to further fight the chill, she made her way towards the stairs, only now hearing the reverberations of Joel's guitar downstairs.

Quirking a brow, she made her way downstairs, prepared to ask him why he was up so early. His duties generally didn't start till a little later in the morning so, being up this early was out of place for him these days.

But she stopped halfway down the stairs, instead leaning on the railing and watching him as the tune finally became recognizable to her. He was playing a Christmas song. Now that was something she never thought she would ever hear him play, or hear in general. Christmas wasn't really a widely celebrated thing anymore, especially with food so scarce and people just generally in a depressed mood all of the time. Hell, the most that ever happened at the military preparatory school was having half the day off before classes and drills began again. Sometimes the other kids would hand out things they made for friends, or make paper Christmas trees and affix them to the walls in their rooms but, for the most part it was ignored. And Ellie herself did little to celebrate it, except for the one time Riley had snuck some extra food and they hid out in a little used area of the school and had a mini Christmas dinner.

But this was new, and not anything she would have expected from Joel.

Picking up the tune a little more, she started to hum along with it, so the room was filled with the strums of the guitar and Ellie's hums as they brought Silent Night to life.

Joel of course stopped and looked towards her once she had hummed a few chords,

“...was trying not to wake you kiddo.”

“You didn't actually. Had the blanket pulled up so far my ears were muffled. Just...time to get started with the day is all.”

“...should really take a break every once in a while kiddo.”

“Eventually. It's winter, this place is gonna take on a lot of wear and tear.”

“...whelp, guess I best get some breakfast ready then, don't want you heading out on an empty stomach.”

“Thanks Joel.”

He nodded and set the guitar back in the corner before heading into the kitchen. Ellie being Ellie of course, she helped out with breakfast as well. Joel knew by this point that she was doing all this to keep her mind busy, and off of things she would rather not think of. But even as young as she was, she could still burn herself out. He was going to make sure she had a break whether she liked it or not.

Tommy had told him that despite the situation, they did their best to have a Christmas get together every year. Of all the holidays it was the one everyone decided on to spend the extra time on. And with everyone in town pitching in, and procuring food both for themselves and the town as a whole, it wasn't hard to splurge on one annual meal. So there was that they would for sure be attending. But he had some other ideas in mind too, things he'd work on while she was out.

“I talked to Tommy before you got up, needed to go over a few things with him quick, He said Maria could use some help at the stables most the day. Some of the stalls are in a real bad way and the fencing needs repairing too. Figured that's something you wouldn't mind doing.”

“Awesome. I'd love to.”

He chuckled. “As long as you get to be around the horses that's all that matters yeah?”

“Hell yeah.”

He chuckled again. “Well, they'll be heading back over here in a little bit anyway, so you can go off and help Maria with that while me and Tommy get some work done.”

“Sounds good.”

 

A few hours later they were all off on their respective duties, Ellie helping Maria while Joel went off with Tommy. Though work wasn't something they would actually be doing.

Most the settlement got into the Christmas spirit in their own way, which included finding ways to decorate their own houses for it. Wasn't too hard, seeing as they were surrounded by pine trees, making pine garland and Christmas trees plentiful. And other decorations like ribbons were easy enough to make, and some things were found on different excursions for supplies in the surrounding abandoned towns. Christmas lights of course weren't a thing anymore, as time and the elements mostly destroyed those. That and they figured it best to keep the electricity only for necessary things. Christmas lights probably wouldn't use up a lot of energy, but it wasn't a necessity, so was frowned upon. Anything else was a go though. Many lit their trees the old fashioned way, using small candles, but they were under strict orders to keep an eye on them at all times when lit.

It was hearing about all this that had given Joel the idea initially. He'd heard a lot about what was coming up as the month went on, and watched as they decorated the main meeting hall. He figured it was worth a shot to try this for Ellie, see if it would put a spark of light in her heart regarding this time of year.

And so he recruited Tommy's help to find a tree, and gather up anything he could for decorations. And he wasn't going to lie, it felt really odd doing this at all.

The last Christmas he had celebrated both meant a lot to him, and filled him with memories he wished he could forget. It had only been him, Sarah, and Tommy, but that's all there had really needed to be. The three of them could get into quite a few shenanigans when they were together, and that meant someone almost always ended up with egg on their face, sometimes literally. There was more than one time that Christmas meal preparations ended with a massively destroyed kitchen and everyone covered in flour.

Now, to help Ellie, he was forced to remember all that again. But for the first time in over twenty years, he was starting to realize that it may be for the best if he did. To forget those moments just wouldn't be right for Sarah's memory. She was gone, but as long as he remembered, then in some small part she was still alive. He really needed to start rethinking how he handled things, and now was as good a time as any.

“Hey! Old man!”

Joel visually jumped, his thoughts overpowering him at the moment. That had been Tommy's voice, calling from somewhere off to the side. He had taken up calling Joel old man a lot of the time, mostly for situations when he needed to get his attention and he just wasn't listening.

“Dammit Tommy I told you...”

“Don't call you that, I know. But you think maybe you want to come back to the path? You're wandering off.”

Joel looked around, and sure enough, he was off the path and heading for a rather thick section of brush. It was also now that he could finally feel the horse resisting. The poor thing was trying desperately to say no but Joel just hadn't been hearing him.

“...yeah. Best I do.”

He turned the horse around, careful with the tree he was pulling on a sled behind him, making sure it didn't get tangled in anything.

“Between you and Ellie, I can't tell who's more in another world these days.”

“Both are equally I reckon.”

“...so what brought this on so suddenly? Why do you feel the need to celebrate now?”

“Ellie needs it. Last winter was not a good time, and this winters stirring up memories. Hoping this will help.”

“...can't say I thought I'd ever see this side of you again brother...”

“Yeah, neither did I.”

“Why don't we do this right as we can then?”

“What do you mean?”

“Up this way. Found an old cabin during one of our hunting trips, still stuff inside actually. From the looks of it they had kids, good age range too from what I seen. Why don't you have a look through there and see if you can't find her some Christmas gifts?”

“Yeah. Yeah I think that'd be a great idea little brother.”

“Follow me then.”

 

The day passed rather slowly and the sun was starting to set by the time Ellie had finished up at the stables. She hadn't expected the damage to be as bad as it had been but, one of the horses did considerable damage to the fence while they were trying to break it in. That needed to be fixed before any horses could be let out to run around. Then the same horse had a fit when they were turning the other horses out, and he managed to damage his stall, so another thing to be fixed. One of the men helping them mumbled how that had been the most ornery stallion he had ever seen. Ellie on the other hand liked his spirit and figured he'd come into his own eventually. Just depended on who looked after him. She was big into looking deep inside to find what was hidden beneath, and try to give them a chance. It's something she had to learn to do to get used to traveling with Joel as long as she had.

But, that aside, the day was finally done and she could head home, maybe have some more of Maria's cider. All she knew was she was sore, tired, and just wanted to curl up and read a book by the wood stove.

What she stumbled upon when she got there though...confused the hell out of her. The railing and the top part of the overhang of the roof on the porch were covered in a pine garland, homemade red ribbons scattered through out.

“...am I at the right fucking house? Or am I just that tired?”

She slowly made her way up the steps, mildly wondering if Joel had lost his mind or something. When she stepped inside, that question became more to the forefront of her mind as she saw Joel standing by a tree, scratching the back of his head. He had a box next to him, with a few colorful items sticking out, but she had no idea what they were.

“Joel? What the hell?”

He turned around, a sheepish expression on his face. He looked extremely nervous and out of his element.

“I uh...figured it was another step in getting use to this...home life stuff...again. Plus...thought you might like to try out what Christmas really is...”

“...you really are soft under all that you know that Joel?”

“Don't push it too much.” He said with a chuckle. “Only for you all. Can't say the same for people who mess with us.”

“Heh. I know Joel, you big teddy bear.” She said as she slipped out off her coat and hung it on the wall by the door.

“Don't go vocalizing that out loud huh?”

“Whatever you say Joel. So, what's all this then?”

“Well, it's stuff from houses around here, Christmas decorations that were still in good shape and all. Tommy had some extra stuff too so...”

“So this is the 'work' you and Tommy had to do huh?”

“Heh, yup.”

She smiled and walked over, bending down to pick through the box. 

“What's this sparkly stuff?”

“Tinsel garland. Really looked good with lights but...lights aren't really attainable. Tommy gave us some candles though.”

“To put on the tree?” She asked, giving him a skeptical look.

“Well sure. See, way back when, before electricity, people used candles as lights for their trees.”

“Seems dangerous.”

“Don't leave them alone and it'll be just fine. So what do you say? Wanna have a go at decorating?”

“Heh, you bet.” 

 

The short wait for Christmas was finally over and the morning was finally there. Joel was back to being nervous again, facing a day he hadn't faced in ages, and hoping what he'd managed to find at the cabin would be acceptable by Ellie. Then of course there was the fact he had been invited to play at the town get together later that night, which he accepted.

Now, he wasn't really the kind of man that suffered from stage fright, especially considering he'd wanted to be a singer. But actually facing the prospect of playing for a fairly large group for the first time, did raise a few butterflies in the stomach. In a world like this, this was the last thing he thought he'd ever feel.

He looked up as Ellie at last descended the stairs, yawning and rubbing her eyes.

“Wow...you're up early again huh?”

“Well, that's another side effect of Christmas, especially with kids...if you ain't up early, they will get you up.”

“So does that mean I should run in next Christmas and jump on your bed screaming?”

“Please don't.”

She laughed and made her way over, sitting by him on the couch. “So how does this really work then?”

“Haven't you been told anything about Christmas?”

“Nope. Soldiers said it was useless in this day and age, so don't worry about it.”

“Honestly, a world like this is, I think that's when it's most needed...”

He got up then, reaching around behind the tree and pulling out a few packages.

“What's this?”

“Presents.”

“How...”

“The worlds a shopping mall these days. Why let perfectly good things go to rot?”

She grinned and pulled the string from the potato sacks Joel used for wrapping, finding a few guitar chord books and a new set of comics in the first one.

“Wait a minute...Savage Starlight Part Two? There was another one?”

“Guess so. Found it in one of the kids rooms, packed away real good so the elements didn't get them. That there's one of those compilation ones. The whole set in a single book.”

“This is awesome! Thanks Joel!”

“No problem kiddo. Now go on, open the other ones.”

She did so quickly, the excitement she would have felt on a normal Christmas morning in a normal world now shining through. She found a few books in the next package, each ones she had yet to read.

The last one held a winter coat in miraculously good condition. It was a teens old dark blue Carhartt jacket so the fact it survived didn't surprise him, and it would last her a long time. It was a little bigger than she was so she'd still grow into a bit yet.

“Figured your other ones getting quite a bit holey, not gonna be to useful anymore.”

“Thanks again Joel. All this stuff is really awesome. Thank you.”

“Not quite done yet.”

He got up one more time and pulled one last one out, a guitar.

“Joel...”

“Made it myself. Been hell trying to keep you from finding out about it. Been wanting to do this for you for a while but, guitar strings get hard to come by. Finally managed though. And I figured...this was the best time to give it to you kiddo.”

“...thank you so much Joel.” She said as she took it, running her hand over it. “...I...got something for you actually.”

“Thought you didn't know much about Christmas stuff?

“Mighta' fibbed a bit. But I really wanted to get you something.”

“Ah kiddo, you didn't need to get me anything.”

“Yes, I did. You went through hell for me...and you didn't have to take me in but you did...”

She reached into the pocket of the flannel she wore, pulling out a box. “It's not much but, I know you needed them, and I made them myself. Been learning to whittle stuff...you know, just as another hobby.”

“Baby girl...”

He took the rather beaten little square box, slipping the top off and unfolding the fabric inside.

“...kiddo...”

“I know you could have made your own but...you just didn't have time, and your fingers have been getting all banged up teaching me to play so...I made the picks myself.”

He looked down at the set of six guitar picks, each made of oak or pine.

“...thank you Ellie. You did a real good job with these kiddo.”

“Wish I could have given you more...”

“You gave me enough kiddo.” He finally just gave her a hug, she returning it.

“Merry Christmas Joel.”

“Heh, Merry Christmas Kiddo.”

“Well, breakfast?”

“You got it kiddo. Still up for going to the party tonight?”

“You bet.” She said as they both got up, heading for the kitchen. “You still playing tonight?”

“Reckon so.”

“Next year, maybe I can play up there with you.”

“I'd really like that kiddo.”

They both grinned as they went about making breakfast. That would be the last winter that Ellie would be gripped by the dark memories. They would still be there, creeping, but never fully gripping her. Thanks to Joel.


End file.
